Do you have fat toes? Do you experience trouble walking in heels? Are you self conscious about your footwear? Okay..I know these questions sound like a BAD infomercial, but they are all actually relevant thanks to the latest craze in plastic surgery. Women are opting for procedures such as toe shortening and pinky toe tucks…these are all REAL operations crazy rich women are having so they can slide into a pricey pair Jimmy Choos or Manolo Blahniks. Oh…not up to speed on your toe surgery lingo? Let me explain…

Toe Shortening: Your toe is dislocated, a Dr. saws off 2-millimeters of the bone, and then inserts a rod to bring the bones back together (this little piggy will definitely be squealing wee-wee all the waaay home).

Pinky Toe Tuck: fat is taken out of your little toe to make it smaller (that little piggy made too many trips to the market).

Foot Plumping: liposuctioning fat from the belly and injecting it into the balls of the feet. This is supposed to make wearing heels more comfortable (think permanent comfy foot insert).

So not only are these women shelling out mega-bucks to have these toe-tacular surgeries, they also have to pay loads of cash for their shoes. I’m no business expert, but the ROI (that’s return on investment, for you non-business majors) on this doesn’t seem huge. Okay, I’m sure there might be a few legitimate circumstances someone would need a foot surgery, but seriously this is on the extreme side. Yeah, some girls might be insecure about their feet, but that doesn’t mean saw off a toe! Throw on some nail-polish and get yourself a pedd-egg….Voila! Problem solved. I guess females lacking toe-confidence is a HUGE business, because according to ABC News, this is a $45 million per year industry.

The ironic part of the new procedures is that they don’t actually fix anything….they can make your foot fears WORSE! (Queue bad infomercial voice)…Side effects include: permanent nerve damage, infection, scarring, a recurrence of the deformity (that was “supposedly” fixed), chronic pain when wearing not just high heels, but all shoes. Um, thanks but I’ll pass.

I didn’t make those effects up, they’re all from the AOFAS [American Orthopedic Foot and Ankle Society], and if the foot fetish professionals don’t agree with these procedures…you probably shouldn’t either…

Okay, so seriously (yes, I’m being serious), what are your thoughts on this? Is a pinky toe tuck in your future? Or are you with me about how toe-tally absurd this is?

[via ABC News]